Cirque - the audition

I'm writing this blog a few hours after I have just been to Cirque Headquarters for my audition, so this could be could be clouded with all the emotions from finally being at Cirque & then the audition that followed.

The main thing I had to remember today, no matter what the end result was, was that I had dreamt this for so long, put so much effort into even getting to this point, made concessions, asked Mel to make concessions, prepared as much as I could, but the main thing was to enjoy myself.

Auditions can sometimes be the most stressful, nerve-racking, self doubting experiences a performer goes through. Mel will testify that I was very nervous from the moment the day & time was set that I had verbal diarrhea for the two days trying to take my mind off it even for a minuit small chat conversation. But in my mind I was playing out every scenario for 76 hrs. I spent the couple of days rehearsing in my hotel room entertaining the room service cleaners. I didn't sleep very well the night before because I was going over song after song, word after word. Lucky I had a mainly French speaking carer that morning because I couldn't chat much.

The taxi came at 9:30am, we were off to Cirque Headquarters, I was ready.

The little kid smile came across my face as we pulled up out the front. It was an enormous place. Very modern & artistically stylish complex. Exactly what I had pictured for so many years. We played with Rox out the front for a bit while I mi mi mi'd & la ti do rey'd before we went in.

Through the front doors, signed in at security and waited in the main foyer for Estelle & Charles. We wanted to take photos of everything but unfortunately you sign a declaration not to record anything within Cirque walls. We sat there watching people go back & forth, in & out of rooms & the cafeteria, mainly business looking people, but the odd obvious performer, athlete or coach. In the background you could hear a rehearsal of some sort with the classic Cirque music echoing through the halls and a commotion of people yelling instructions & direction.

You have to remember that this was a very unique situation. I had been able to secure this audition outside of their normal vocal audition time & they told me they never have them at Cirque HQ. They are usually in halls or studios in other parts of the world, but here I was, at their creative hub getting a sneak peak experience that not many other applicants get the opportunity to do. What a privilege.

A gentlemen popped his head over the balcony and shouted "Look up, Bonjour! I will be with you shortly". Said in such a friendly, happy to see you kind of way. It's little things like this that make you feel less nervous about an audition. I said to Mel, this is going to be fun.

Charles came down and greeted us, he was so friendly & asked every kind of question about our trip. He showed us around a little, over to the rehearsal room that we could earlier hear. He explained how this room was the largest of it's kind as while they were creating a show they could set up the Grand Chapiteau (big top) inside it. It was like an airport hanger but bigger. Then a smaller gym that had every apparatus set up for the acrobats. High wire, trapeze, Russian swing, foam pit & tramp, balance beam, a playground for the athletic elite.

We were then taken upstairs through a maze of offices into an area that had a few sound studios & dance rooms. Estelle then joined us inside one of the suites that had a camera set up, piano in the corner, sound system in the other and an X taped in the middle of the floor with a music stand. That was my 'firing squad post' spot.

Initially I had asked Mel if she wouldn't mind staying out of the audition (didn't want her to see me cry when my top C's cracked with nerves .. hehe). I assumed it would be closed anyway, but no, they offered her a seat to the side & they "oohed & aahed" as Roxy slumped beside her sighing as if she knew I was going to again belt out those songs she had heard for 2 days straight!
I was comforting that they were there. Their little comforting winks & nods of support were a great comfort. Thanks babe.

The next hour and a half was amazing. At times intense, others hilarious. Estelle was one of the vocal casting team members & Charles was a choreographer there to help with the filming.

They told me prior to the audition to prepare a song of my own choice & then 3 of theirs. I started with the prayer as I thought it should off my ability to sing different languages, belt out some classical wonder notes & seranade through the ballad english sweet stuff. Again, I was so nervous that I didn't hear Estelle say "we'll just have a sound check to getthe levels right" and I started singing so intently I thought we were on, this was the real thing, belting out my Italian, until I saw she was waving her arms suggesting to stop, I thought something was wrong. But she laughed saying "that was great, but save it, are the levels ok?" We all laughed & that further broke the ice.

Without going into further details about each song & note the following hour and a half was a singing masterclass. Estelle & Chares put me through my paces & gave me great feedback about every aspect of my presentation. She was a wonderful vocal technician and unlike most auditions where you sing your bit then you're on your way, they workshopped each song and broke it down to the smallest thing.

Estelle really challenged me to get out of my comfot zone & try some different techniques. It was great receiving this type of citicism & the positive reinforcements were a welcome comfort in between. I learnt so much, I felt like I should have paid her for the lesson.

We spoke about Cirque & what they were looking for, the expectations & probabilties of being cast, my dreams and goals. They were both so honest & open about everything. By the end of the audition both parties knew where each other stood & felt like everything had been explored & showcased.

The report card - Estelle was honest in saying at the very moment there was nothing they could offer me & she gave me some extremely valuable advice on how to improve to suit their requirements. She was very impressed with my passion, feeling, delivery & performance of each song. She couldn't fault it she said. Technically though, there were a few things that I needed to work on & offered hints, excercises & advice which was very generous & helpful & told me to continue to work on these to be ready in case there was a call up. She certainly didn't shut the door on any involvement with Cirque but hinted there could be future opportunities. Estelle & Charles shrugged the shoulders & said "you never know what the directors are looking for. All we can do is offer up suggestions to them & see what they like".

To me this was a great outcome. Alright they didn't cast me there and then & whisk me off to Vegas into a show at the MGM liked I'd dreamt. But I've been, planted the seed, showed them my all, and come away with some wonderful words of wisdom from the industries top casting & vocal tutors. Not a kick out the door, but a 'let's just see'.

The interested thing about this whole thing too is that not once have I mentioned the disability prior til now. Interesting isn't it. To my family, friends, Geelong directors, performing peers & colleagues, my disabilty isn't there to you when it comes to my art. You know me, my personality & my abilities. But over the many years there have been, to many to count, situations where the disability is the first & deciding factor as to whether I am cast & how I am treated at auditions.It wasn't until I brought it up about 15 minutes before the end of this audition that we eventually discussed it. I was reassured that they didn't know anthing about it so it doesn't even matter.

I explaned to them that they had no idea how nice it was to walk out of an audition knowing that the things they thought I should work on and improve was something I coud control. My voice. It's too hard coming out of an audition knowing that it was the one thing I can't control that decided my fate, my disabilty.

I wish all auditions could be like this. (well, maybe with a contract to Vegas would be nice as well).

Mel & I left knowing we left nothing at the door and feel very confident it's not the last time i'll be visisting the HQ of the Circus of the Sun - Cirque du Soleil.